Getting my mojo back

The last post was written from a dark place and I am happy to report that I feel like I've gotten my mojo back people!!

Yes, I allow myself to go to dark places because if I don't, everyone knows it will eat me up from the inside out. There are many many emotions going through all of this and none of them are wrong. Not even my perpetual optimism.

Cancer is the ultimate mind fuck.

Last Saturday I was taken care of by some amazing women. My friend, Gina, allowed me to come into the salon where she works and she cut, colored & highlighted my hair. I got the full salon treatment. She is amazing and magical and that is why I say she is a maGina! She has super powers! I felt and looked so much better when I left but I needed help on the inside.

Then I went to Massage Solutions where Jana picked up where the outside stopped and the inside started. She did some massage and lots and lots of energy healing. She helped me scoop alot of the mental darkness out of my head and my heart. She re-connected me to my spirituality and faith-I was praying so hard and crying out for help-trying to do it all on my own. This is an understatement, but I left a completely different person than when I arrived. Jana even said I had the life in my eyes back. I cannot even describe the weight that was lifted that day.

I am so grateful for these women and everyone out there that helps in both small and large ways. Every prayer, every post, every positive thought my way is helping. Thank you!

For a few days, it was so hard to even remember that the Lord is with me always. It is so hard to fight and be lifted up by so many prayers around the world, but to see no evidence of healing. But that makes me a horribly bratty, ungrateful child of God. The truth is that I have experienced tremendous healing through all of this. My family is closer. Physically, I was spared a mastectomy (although if it would have gotten rid of it, I definitely would have been grateful to do that). The time I couldn't walk from bursitis is almost completely healed, minus a dull achey pain in the general area. The fact that I can do radiation to fight the brain tumors, is a gift. The cancer covers one lobe of my liver, but does not affect it's functionality. Same goes for my bones and lungs. So, you see, I have experienced a lot of healing thus far. I look forward to God's healing powers and gifts to come. Love comes from God and fear does not. Dr. Evil keeps trying to take my mojo, but I got it back. Yeah baby!

Friday, Richard and I will be leaving for the weekend for Philadelphia. There is a metastatic breast cancer conference being put on by a wonderful charity called Living Beyond Breast Cancer, along with many others. It is the 4th annual conference and there should be at least a couple hundred women that are all stage IV like me. We are hoping this will be extremely uplifting and educational and fill my arsenal with lots of artillery for the fight. Fight! Fight! Fight!

I'll report back after the conference.

Muchos Smoochos!