Monday, February 8th is the day I am scheduled for brain radiation. It's called stereotactic surgery and it will all be over soon. I am still amazed at how high tech the whole thing is and the technology that is available for an outpatient procedure. Can you believe I'll go home the same day?

When they first told me I'd be doing this procedure again, I admit I was kicking and screaming the whole way. Why would God do this to me twice? And two years exactly to the date as the last time? Where has He gone? Doesn't He want me to be well? That's the promise He made. Why doesn't the promise apply to me? But who the hell am I to question Him? Does this make me a bad believer if I don't just accept everything set in my path?

So, you see, I'm not as strong or inspirational as people think I am. I am a petty child who doesn't want to do this shit anymore. It'll be three years in April. Enough already.

Breathe. Remember to breathe.

Slowly the temper tantrum I was throwing subsided. I went to All Saints Church's soaking prayer in their healing ministry. It was incredibly peaceful. I always feel as if I'm in the presence of the Holy Spirit in that place. God's peace was with me then and is with me now. Rational thoughts replace emotional knee jerk reactions. God is with me. I also went to Northland with my mom and was prayed on by a powerful gentleman. Prayer works. Prayer makes everything easier and better.

I've been breathing more and praying more and offering gratitude instead of grumblings. Writing in a gratitude journal at night really helps remind me of the blessings I have. I am truly truly blessed, even in the midst of adversity.

I don't know why I have to go on this trip. I don't know if it's to help others figure out how to deal with rough times or if it's just to remind me and my family what's important. The why just doesn't matter. I have to forge ahead knowing that I'm not alone and that I can get through anything. None of us are alone. I've even started picturing Jesus with me physically-sitting on the edge of the bed while I'm napping, riding in the car with me, etc. And listen, just because He's Jesus, doesn't mean He doesn't have to wear a seatbelt. And since I'm the one on chemo, I think I'm entitled to the last cookie, don't you? Jesus seems to enjoy my sense of humor.

Another tremendous blessing has been the people that have donated to PayPal to help us with medical costs. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. Words are not sufficient to show my thanks. I wish I had a non-profit code so you all can get tax write offs! It is me that is inspired by all of you. Thank you for helping us during these crazy times.

Keep praying and keep believing. God is good. All is good. Lots of love and muchos smoochos!!!