Now, what about my hat?

Hello Friends of Cancercopia,

I am on Vicodin as I write this, forgive me if I go astray... I mean, as Christy writes this for me, since I am currently in the rabbit hole. The pain from the disk in my neck is back with a vengeance. It's the top of my shoulders, and it hurts so bad to just sit up or when I try to reach for something or to pick anything up, that I have gone to the "Big Dogs" for pain management.

Oxycodone was a disaster yesterday and will not be used again. Forget rabbit hole, I was somehwere in the belly of the beast and could not get out for hours on end. Today was Vicodin... which was better, but still loopy. Tomorrow will be Oxycontin. I am just experimenting to try to figure out which one makes me function the most during the day.

I had a CT Scan for the urine in my blood, and will get the results later this week. I couldn't lift my arms in the machine, so they worked around it. I love all the techs and staff that I have met and developed relationships with through this pathetic bullshit. I am blessed that they are so knowledgeable and compassionate at the same time. (as I type this, Laura is saying "it's not funny, it's not funny... stupid vicodin") :)

I got the creeping crud that has been going around which everybody gets, only mine includes vomiting first and then develops into a flu like creature. I had to go to an extra doctor appt so I could get antibiotics, cause you KNOW how much I love going to the doctor more than I need to.

I went to a Bridal shower today, and I looked really cute. For a cancer patient. That's what I aspire to now. To be cute... for a cancer patient. I even matched my hat to my shirt... my hand knitted donated hat. Sometimes the people who know me look at me with worry in their eyes- don't they know how much time I spent coordinating my hat and my shirt? I wanted them to tell me how cute it was. But they just took me to the nearest chair and plopped me down and threw a blanket over me and asked me what I needed all day. It was a really nice shower.

Now, what about my hat?

I got these cute knitted caps from a friend of mine who contacted a charity. Apparently there are charities where people just knit caps for chemotherapy patients. There's this one that they sent me that is a sleeping cap that I wish I could crawl my whole body in, it's so soft and delicious. The other two have cute flowers on them, which normally isn't my style, but they are damn cute. So maybe cancer is giving me a new style. As you can see from the pages in this blog, cancer is the gift that keeps giving to me.

My new style consists of (not that I ever had any damn style before) the jeans that aren't too big from losing all the weight. I mostly pick the ones that are one or two sizes bigger. I don't know what to do with the ones that are much bigger than that. I mean, it's not like dieting where you put the fat clothes at the back of the closet, or is it? If I get rid of the bigger sizes, am I being pessimistic that I won't be normal again? That my body won't be a normal weight again? It also consists of shirts that don't look too big and try to conceal holey. I try to hide holey from the world. The world is not ready for holey.

Sometimes I accessorize. But, now that's just too much trouble. If I can match the hat I feel pretty good about myself. All this usually takes about 7 hours to do, before I finish off with a nice pair of sneakers that don't hurt my feet. I don't think I will be setting any trends for anybody soon.

Love you all!!