What's up friends of Cancercopia? Unfortunately, there is a lot up with me since that last post.

I'm happy to report that the evil lumpy's radiation is complete. It was relatively easy but burned the shit out of my skin. The lump itself today is about 1/4 what it once was so there is progress. The last 2 weeks it has grown even more grotesque as it continues to cook while I am away from the hospital. Ah, yes, I continue my reign as the craziest walking science project you know. Who could challenge me? Muh ha ha!

You can feel the warmth emanating from my sternum as it hopefully fries up some crispy cancer ass. Beginning yesterday, we have some new additions to this saga. Oozing, bleeding blisters. Mmmmm.... I hope you're not reading this over breaky. Today's count was about 5 blisters opened up with puss and bloody goooo---actually there were about 3 yesterday, just in time for a real life Halloween display. Candy anyone?

Apparently, these oozing open sores are a good thing. The nurse told us to expect them and that they were a very good thing. Apparently my body is rejecting and ejecting the evil. Go body go! I am happy to go through this knowing it will pass and all be better after awhile, but let me tell you friends, my chest hurts like a mother trucker. Wowzah. The strain on my chest muscles has moved into my right shoulder and up my neck and pain shoots down my right arm. Not to mention the pure pain from the raw open flesh wound you can't take your eyes off of if you're looking at me full frontal. Don't worry, I've resorted to neosporin and bandages to cover it so you don't have to look away. I'm not an animal!!

I've been struggling with my own stubbornness and refusing to take anything for pain stronger than Advil... uh, make that several Advil a day. Which means I've been in bed in pain a lot.

Yesterday I was in so much pain, my husband asked if he should call the oncologist on-call. I said, no because all he's going to do is prescribe some constipation inducing pain meds that make me completely blotto. About 10 minutes later I realized I might pass out from the pain, so we decided to call the doc. Wait! We didn't need to! We remembered I already had some pain meds. After 3 1/2 years of treatment, I don't even know which meds I have anymore or don't. Bullseye! Hydrocodone!! Substitute for Vicadin!

The rest of my blog will be dedicated to my new friend, Hydrocodone. Wow, what a difference. My corked ass be damned, it really helps with the pain. Cancer survivors out there you know what I'm talking about with the constipation vs. diarrhea dilemma but right now I just need a bit of relief. I was walking around doing things around the house... sat up and ate something... the magic magic beans of blocking pain receptacles. Aaahhhhh....

October was a tough month. While radiating lumpy, I had to get a blood transfusion for energy. It was a transfusion I requested and made a world of difference. Major thanks to anyone out there that donates blood. It is really important. The day I got the transfusion, EVERYTHING, went wrong to get there so imagine something written here that's really funny and annoyed from that experience. I'm just too tired to go back, so I'll just try to catch you up moving forward.

I do have to pause and let you know that when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. (nobody puts Baby in the corner) Dr. Ramakrishna is totally personable and awesome these days. He is an absolute joy to talk to, and I'm not even being sarcastic. Dr. Shah gave me some insight that made sense on why he delivers a lot of the medical information to my husband instead of me. She said he deals with a lot of brain tumor patients that can't remember or retain anything so he is used to giving the information to the caregivers. Aha! That makes sense. Also, I am really liking that nurse, Heidi, whom I reamed several blog entries ago. You know, you spend a lot of time with these people and see what they deal with on a daily basis, and I don't know, I have new respect and love for Heidi. There, I said it.

Amazing news: I had a brain scan since last we met and there is nothing active in my brain!! Brain is stable. Hooray, no brain tumors to worry about. Hooty hoot hoot!!!

Same scan--the spine looked worse so I started spine radiation today. 15 treatments-yuck. I could win awards for lying still on treatment and diagnostic machines should there be an award show for cancer survivors-oh so many awards. What would that award show be called anyway? The CancerSucksies? The Nobody's Choice Awards? It would be the longest telecast ever because each celebrity would proselytize about whatever cancer cause they picked. Did you know you could get cancer in your earlobes? How horrible to not be able to accessorize! Let's help those people!

Ok, back to me. I've been ridiculously fatigued and COLD everywhere I go. I've been off of Carboplatin for 3 weeks because my platelets have been too low to get it. This Wednesday I should get it for sure. It serves as a little poisonous security blanket and I do get nervous when we skip a week. Then again, my body is going through so much with this pain and radiation I am happy for the break.

Next CT/echo/bone scans will be in December, along with another brain MRI. I've got to get through the next 3 weeks of radiation, just in time for Hanukkah which starts Dec. 1st! Oh my! Then the scans and Christmas with my family. Maybe I can sleep in 2011.

Thanks for reading. Love you all!! Muchos smoochos!!